Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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