so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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