It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize