M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
