Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
