Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
