You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
