What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
