just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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