2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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