I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
