I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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