So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
