So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
