my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
