Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
