Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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