Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Welp...herpes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
