So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
