his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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