If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
