Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
