Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
