omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Terrible idea I love it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
