my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
