Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
