Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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