Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
