Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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