I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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