carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
why is half of my head shaved?
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