cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
