I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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