I can tuck mytits in my pants
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Say something about gay babies.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
