I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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