She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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