hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
