i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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