Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
