Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
