FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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