I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
