what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
