YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
