apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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