Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
