my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize