The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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