just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
