ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm getting married
To pizza
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
