I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize