I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
