This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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