You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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