so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
