so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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