Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
