You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
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i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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