Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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