I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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