there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She bit a glass in half.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
