You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
